Joel’s Story 1
Joel could feel the pressure. The sofa stripes beneath his shorts were a dirty green. He stunk. So did everything since Erin had left. The dishes were piled high. Empty bottles skirted the walls. Yesterday, his landlord had threatened him for not cleaning up. But he couldn’t. He was paralysed. His heart raced all the time. He was panicking and felt the darkness closing in from the edges. Soon it would swallow everything. His time was up.
We all have brothers, fathers, sons, and friends we love. When our men are not well, we all feel it.
According to Suicide Prevention Australia, suicide is the leading cause of death for people between ages 15 and 44. Seventy-five percent are male.
Due to stigma and discrimination, suicide disproportionately affects more First Nations, LGBTIQ, and people from culturally and linguistically diverse backgrounds.
But suicide is preventable. Everyone’s life matters.
What is Movember?
Movember 2024 is all about men’s health and making a real difference by tackling serious issues like mental health, suicide prevention, prostate cancer, and testicular cancer.
In Australia, these are big challenges—men here are more likely to suffer from these health problems but often struggle to talk about them. Movember’s mission is to help men open up, get checked, and find support when they need it.
Movember Origin Story
Movember started in 2003 as two friends in a Melbourne pub trying to bring back the mustache and do something about the crisis in men’s health. Since then, it has raised over 1.7 billion dollars. It’s a global event.
Strong social connections reduce the risk of suicide. Be a man of more words.
The theme of this year’s event is to ‘Be a man of more words.’ We’re not ’talking meaningless banter, but things that matter. Bills. Work pressures. Family life. Money hassles. The right conversation can make a huge difference.
A problem shared is a problem halved.
Don’t let it get to a crisis point before you start talking.
If you’re feeling okay, but want to help others, the Black Dog Institute has resources available to help you, too.
There is also this helpful interactive tool to practise tackling important conversations.
If you’re worried that someone’s life is in immediate danger, call 000 or go directly to emergency services.
ALEC – How to Help Others
Sometimes it can be hard to know what to say. It’s okay.
ALEC can help. ALEC standards for:
A is for Ask.
It’s okay to ask the question. Are you thinking about suicide? Ask some open questions. How long have you felt that way? How did the breakup happen? How do you feel? How long has this been going on?
Ask open questions that can’t be answered yes or no. They provide the chance for a substantial answer and the person can start dislodging pent-up issues.
L is Listen.
Don’t shrug off the answer. Be focused and listen. If you’re somewhere busy or loud, ask if they want to sit down, or want to move somewhere quieter or more private.
Your attention means a real lot to this person. Make sure they speak freely before you do anything else. Make sure you validate what they’re saying. They might sound very powerless but they usually know what to do when they can move past this.
E is Encourage
After they have let it all out, offer encouragement. If they offer a suggested solution, use that as a clue where to start. Our minds start working on solutions even when we aren’t aware. When we get past the anger, blame, and hopelessness, we can often see an action we could try.
C is for Check-in
If either of you have to leave, or the timing isn’t quite right, make a specific time to check in again. Let them know when you will. Agree on a time together.
Check out the ALEC page on RU OK Day.
Joel’s Story continued
Joel went outside to get escape his thoughts. He needed nature. He wandered to the end of the road and round the bend. His favourite section of bush was now a wasteland. The trees were demolished and string lines marked out little plots of a new estate, like graves. The final straw.
“Joel!” a voice cried out. He slowly turned to see where it came from.
It was Tim in his orange work shirt.
“Howzit goin’ man, haven’t seen ya for ages.” Tim ambled over.
“Yeah, alright.” Joel attempted to smile.
“Look at this!” Tim said a rude word and cast an arm over the estate. “What a disgrace!”
“Looks like a graveyard,” said Joel.
“Yes!” Tim laughed. “What are you doing out here?”
“Getting some air,” Joel sighed. “I feel so bad.”
“About what?”
Joel shook his head. “Just… everything.”
Tim could sense Joel’s heavy mood. He knew about the break-up with Erin. His friend’s eyes were red-rimmed, dark tunnels.
“Like what?”
Joel shrugged. He didn’t answer.
“Come on mate, what’s goin’ on?”
Joel fumbled with some words. Then he got into a flow. He was so sad and angry. He blamed himself but knew it wasn’t all his fault. It just didn’t work out. And it affected his work and he lost his job. Now he was a mess.
They talked for a while. Then he asked what Tim thought he should do.
“I think you need a goal. Something else to focus on. Like fitness,” he said. “Or baking.”
Joel laughed and scoffed.
Tim put his arm around Joel’s shoulder.
“I know what you’re going through. I’ve been there before. I went to Safe Haven. Just showed up and got everything off my chest.”
They walked up the hill side by side. After a while, Joel said he’d better get back. “Got some tidying up to do at my place — it’s a pigsty.” He agreed to come to soccer training the following night.
As they walked, Joel noticed an untouched section of trees that had been saved.
“Thanks for the chat, man,” he said. “Meant a lot”
Movember is Calling. How to get involved in the mo-mentum
Too many men are dying young. It’s time we advocated for men’s health. That’s why every November is time to get the Mo on!
There are four main ways you can jump on board
- Grow a mustache (mo) (if you can). It’s a great conversation starter!
- Move for Mental Health — take on the Move Challenge by running or walking 60km throughout the month. This number honours the 60 men we lose to suicide every hour, across the globe. You can always do 60 pushups. Ten a day for six days, for example. Anything you can.
- Have a Mo-ment (having a fun experience is a brilliant way to get together for the cause. Movember is seeking Mo Sisters as well as Mo Brothers. You could register to have a party, morning tea, drinks and karaoke, whatever you feel like).
- You call the shots (mo your own way — whatever that is. And you’ll be 100 per cent supported.)
You can also fundraise at your workplace.
Ever seen an office full of mustachioed men since 1985? If it wasn’t the influence of Tom Selleck and Magnum PI, it was most probably for Movember.
Every dollar raised during Movember goes towards programs and research focused on men’s health issues in Australia and beyond.
With simple steps, we can start life-saving conversations, support mates in need, and give more men the chance to live happier, healthier lives.
Register your thing at Movember
If you need help, services are always available.
To speak with someone immediately, contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467.
The Australian Government has almost 30 organisations who want to help. There are different kinds of phone support available. No referrals or appointments are needed.
Lifeline – call 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467
Suicide Prevention Central Coast
Women’s Support Services: This page has links to Kamira for alcohol and other drugs, services that help with family breakup, and sexual violence
Phone 1800 RESPECT 24/7 counselling service for anyone impacted by sexual or family violence.
Young People: This page has links to several services including Headspace, Reachout, Youth Beyond Blue, and NSW Health clinics.
If you need help, please reach out. We’re here 24/7.
This information is general in nature and doesn’t replace a personal consultation with a good doctor because it doesn’t consider your situation and needs. You can always make an appointment for a friendly chat with your GP at Narara Valley Medical. We can refer you to another appropriate service if you wish.